Top Chef Las Vegas 11/11

First, let me acknowledge how stupid and useless last week's Top Chef reunion dinner was.

And now for this week's episode. Two words: Nigella Lawson. It's a good thing Toby was judging this week and not Gail, because if you put her and Nigella in the same room there'd be a souffle rising in my pants (HEY-O!). I'd never even heard of Nigella before this week.

(Googles her to check her credentials)

(notices that "Nigella Lawson breasts" is the second thing that comes up on Google's auto fill-in feature)

(no, I didn't select that option)

(discovers pictures on Google Image Search)

Ho-leeeee shit.

She's Gorgeous McBaberson. AND she says that a pannacotta "should quiver like a 17th century courtesan's inner thigh." That's the hottest thing that's been said on television, like, ever.

I'm sorry. I lost focus. There was actual cooking on this show, and quite a bit of controversy in my mind, because I think that not only should Michael not have won, Robin should not have gone home.

Yeah, you heard me.

Let's backtrack a little. The gimmick of the elimination challenge was that the cheftestants were supposed to create a dish inspired by a randomly-chosen casino. Michael got New York, New York. Easy enough, right? New York City evokes so many images, feelings, and flavors, that of course he'd come up with... a chicken wing. Because that's what New York firefighters eat. Seriously, his words. Of course, it's how the dish tastes that really counts, and it very well could have been the tastiest one of the night. I still think he half-assed the concept. Kevin and Bryan made much better connections between their food and their respective casinos.

Incidentally, I cannot be the only person who thought Bryan was a goner once he bought that stuffed animal for his son. The editors, it seems, are wising up to what we look for.

Now let's move onto the bottom half. At first I thought Jennifer was destined to be PYKAG'd. Her steak was tough and the dish looked very dark brown and unappealing. After hearing the judges pillory Eli's dish, I thought he was a lock for being sent home. Toby's appraisal during the challenge indicated that Eli decided to go big or go home and although his dish was a failure they respected that he at least aspired for something. During judges table, however, he got brutalized. Fair enough, if it was a terrible dish it was a terrible dish. Robin, at first, appeared to turn in another classic Robin performance - unquestionably bad, but not the worst dish of the night. Like Eli, she reached for the stars got hit by a 747, but wasn't quite as bad as he was. She got the boot anyway.

We all knew that Robin's exit was weeks overdue. But I still think she got robbed. To hear the judges say it, Eli's dish was hands-down the worst of the night. But Robin is Robin, so away she goes. I'll be the first to admit that I'm crazy for defending her, but you can sense the producers' interference in the judging of this episode to a ridiculous extent. Maybe I'm in a contrarian mood because Michael got the win for a conceptually lazy dish.

Power rankings? Not anymore, folks. There are five very good chefs left. Eli's laid a few eggs, and Jennifer is nose-diving, but it's a strong bunch all things considered. Kevin and the Brothers V make it to the final cook-off, and you can put that in the bank.