Wire Madness

Pitting television characters against each other isn't a new idea. But there's no reason we can't have fun with it.

Wire Madness. 64 characters from the HBO series The Wire, competing in an NCAA-tournament style battle. I'm sure there will be some controversy but it's my bracket, so it's my rules.

The bracket is a fairly big picture, so here's a sample:



The full image is available below (click to enlarge).



I'm sure I'll get a lot of flack for Omar's loss, but I always thought he was a tad overrated - I preferred the cool demeanor of Daniels and Freamon to Omar's swag. String's great too but Daniels' moral backbone makes him one of the few incorruptible characters in the show, and I have to reward that.

The 2011 Oscars Power Rankings

So I did it. It took me from last summer until tonight, but I watched all ten films from 2010 that were nominated for Best Picture. I didn't intend to explicitly, I just wanted to see all of them. Most years there's at least one that I have no desire to watch - for instance, The Blind Side last year. Naturally, I've seen all of these roughly over the course of a year, so direct comparisons are difficult. I'll just do things based on tiers.

The Social Network
Inception

The Kids Are All Right
Black Swan

True Grit
The Fighter
Toy Story 3

The King's Speech
127 Hours
Winter's Bone

Bear in mind that none of these movies were bad, or even mediocre. The bottom three had some great performances, case in point, Colin Firth in The King's Speech.

Order really only matters with the first two; I genuinely believe that The Social Network was the best picture of the bunch, and possibly the best movie I saw in 2010, but I'll be damned if Inception wasn't really, really fun. The next two movies were a step down in quality but still very good albeit for completely different reasons (TKAR's cast, Black Swan's aesthetics). I think this list also makes it pretty clear where I stand on The King's Speech winning Best Picture... but that's a different topic entirely.

Top Chef All-Stars: week 13 power rankings

A lot of people crapped on last week's Top Chef for keeping all five cheftestants to go into the finale, but I fell for the sentimental approach hook, line, and sinker. Every competitor brought his or her A-game, everyone's family was present, and we even found out that Mike and Antonia are distant relatives. What's not to love? I can forgive a cop-out on the judges' part (and quite possibly the producers' part) in not eliminating anyone.

Too bad this episode was a total suckfest. Having the remaining chefs cook against the winners of their respective seasons should've been highly entertaining, but it turned out to be a worthless gimmick. At least we know that Hosea is still a dick, only this time he's a dick with a horrible beard. Even worse, nothing in the Elimination Challenge stood out. You know it's a sorry slate when Mike cooks the best dish.

Poor Carla. She had faltered a bit in the preceding weeks, but unlike other contestants in this episode she kept her spirits high and cooked food she believed in. So long, hootie.

1. Richard
Despite second-guessing himself at every turn, Richard is still making good food. The specter of his Top Chef: Chicago choke job has loomed over him all season long, and advancing to the finale has only made him more neurotic instead of more confident. He's also increasingly becoming more of a dick. It's a real shame.

2. Mike
It only took thirteen episodes, but Mike finally won his first Elimination Challenge of the season. It helps to finish strong, I guess, but we're talking about Mike. This is the first Elimination Challenge he's won on Top Chef, period. And beating Michael Voltaggio in the Quickfire - what was that all about? I am not afraid to give credit where credit is due, and Mike has shown definite improvement since Top Chef: Las Vegas. But he should be thanking his lucky stars that Dale and Angelo aren't his competition anymore.

3. Antonia
Antonia is clearly superior to Mike as a chef, but she clearly could've been sent home for tonight's dish. Cooking in the final episodes is a skill in and of itself - that's how we got Top Chefs Kevin and Hosea, and almost got Top Chef Lisa in the fourth season. In the finale, you either have it or you don't, and right now Antonia looks like she doesn't have it.

4. Tiffany
In five of the last seven weeks, Tiffany has placed in the bottom group at Judge's Table. She hasn't won an Elimination Challenge, and tonight was her first Quickfire win - a win she split with four other chefs. Enough already!

Spartacus: Gods of the Arena - "The Bitter End"

Spartacus' lone big misstep for its final episode of the season was its title. I get it, it works on a certain level, but when I think of a finale and "bitter" I think of fan reaction to the final episode of Lost. Not good.

Otherwise, "The Bitter End" was surprisingly satisfying. After last week's episode I wondered what ground was left for the show to cover, since most of the storylines had come to a climax and three major characters had already died. Spartacus' solution: have everyone fight each other for most of the episode. Good call. Compared to Blood and Sand, Gods of the Arena was curiously light on gladiator battles. Fortunately, the entire third act takes place in Capua's new arena and provides us with the CGI-blood spurting action we know and love. We also get more epic crowd shots, which means those of us playing Spartacus Bingo can finally mark down "people having sex among the spectators." Like all of the series' big action set-pieces, it's a pulse-pounding, over-the-top, tremendously scored and edited spectacle and an excellent high note to end the prequel with. Gannicus' big kill was pretty disgusting too, and the one gladiator being immolated was satisfyingly predictable.

And how about Gannicus winning his freedom? Good for him. Even though it was a ploy by Solonius to undermine Batiatus, Gannicus certainly deserved it, and not only because of his prowess in the arena. He's one of the few decent characters in Spartacus, and although he did go behind Oenomaus' back by boning his wife, he tried to remove himself from the ludus so it wouldn't happen again. Early in the episode, Batiatus says something to the effect of that his House is built on the foundation of honor, which of course is a complete lie. The most honorable characters are usually the slaves, and Gannicus is one of the better ones. Spartacus usually doesn't allow a decent character to get the fate he or she deserves, so Gannicus' sendoff was refreshing.

On the douchier end of the ludus, Batiatus continues the slow process of digging his own grave. Tullius is dead and Vettius is run out of town, but Solonius has finally had enough of Batiatus' shit and completes a full-blown heel turn. We all knew it was coming, but it was deserved and actually pretty awesome. Nothing is better than seeing Batiatus helpless while backed into a corner. Unless it's Batiatus being blind with rage. Or Batiatus... okay, anything he does is amazing, but backstabbing and mind games are surefire ingredients for a good time.

The rest of the episode is filling in the blanks. Hey, that's how Ashur injured his leg! That's why Crixus cut his hair! Gee, Barca really was only ever around for the gay sex scenes! And so forth. Plus, Gannicus and Vettius have their exits so they can return for the true second season of Spartacus, and that's that.

That's that for Gods of the Arena, too. It was a prequel series, so it was by nature limited in what it could accomplish. Being half as long as Blood and Sand didn't help it either, since the newer characters didn't get a chance to have strong arcs. But there was blood, nudity, cursing, and backstabbing. It didn't reach the delirious highs of Blood and Sand, but it didn't have the low points either. Even an average episode of Spartacus is nothing like anything else on television. I can live with that. Gratitude.

Top Chef All-Stars: week 11 power rankings

Top Chef clearly isn't afraid of letting good chefs go home if they cook a bum dish. First Angelo, now Dale. Either one of them could've won this competition. Honestly, after last week Dale looked like the odds-on favorite. And call me easily manipulated, but it's good to see Dale admit that he was a jerk in his first go-round as a cheftestant.

On a side note, anyone drooling due to the deep frying Quickfire should check out Wiener and Still Champion in Evanston, IL. It's a fried foods paradise.

1. Antonia
Poor Antonia keeps getting screwed over. She could've won an Elimination Challenge if her teammates hadn't flunked their dishes, and now she forgets to plate an additional portion for her Quickfire. Her resume should look much stronger. Otherwise she's cooking like a champ.

2. Richard
Richard and Fabio vacationing together? Comedy gold. Is this the season of bromances or what?

3. Mike
"Plagiarized" dish aside, Mike is cooking competently down the stretch. He's not hitting anything out of the park, but he's not letting the pressure get to him either, which is more than can be said of some of his competitors. Just making it this far is an accomplishment for him - I thought he'd be one of the first to go.

4. Carla
If Carla can stay focused and keep her head on straight, she makes the finale. Knowing Carla, of course, this is easier said than done.

5. Tiffany
Being saddled with Marcel as a sous chef is unfortunate. That said, she should've known to keep a tighter leash on him.

Spartacus: Gods of the Arena - "Reckoning"

Spartacus has never been afraid to shock and surprise the viewer by killing off major characters or by introducing stunning plot twists. "Reckoning," the next-to-last episode of the prequel series, does not disappoint. TItus? Dead. Melitta? Dead. Gannicus? On his way to Tullius' stable of gladiators. Crixus? The new big dog at the House of Batiatus.

So... where do we go from here?

Sure, there are a few loose ends to tie up. There's no way that Oenomaus doesn't find out about Melitta's mini-affair with Gannicus, or at least that she was visiting him at the time of her death. Tullius is still an asshole, and Lucretia is in the middle of framing him for the death of her father-in-law. Ashur isn't hobbling. But it's all small potatoes. With Titus out of the way, Batiatus can run the ludus the way he wants to. He doesn't have to leave Capua, and he can stay married to Lucretia. He's just lost Gannicus to his arch enemy, but given Crixus' rise, he probably won't lose much sleep over the deal. The penultimate episode of Blood and Sand built to a frenzied climax and carried major implications for the finale. When Spartacus said "There is but one path... we kill them all," it sure as hell made you want to tune in to the last episode. The foreplay was over and the climax was within tantalizing reach. "Reckoning," however, promises no such climax. Spartacus isn't a show based on strong character moments. A dramatic confrontation between Gannicus and Oenomaus regarding Melitta and the shattering of the friendship between Batiatus and Solonius aren't exactly the types of showdowns I'm looking forward to. Capua's new arena needs christening, so the finale probably won't be free of bone-shattering action, but it will be free of any personal investment.

While disappointing, "Reckoning" wasn't a total waste of an episode. John Hannah and Lucy Lawless are good actors playing good characters, and they're a genuine pleasure to watch. They're overly ambitious, untrustworthy, backstabbing serpents and thus perfect for each other. It's even oddly romantic that they're willing to destroy lives for each other. Aww. Nick Tarabay continues to be entertainingly callous as Ashur, and if Dagan busts his leg up before being sent to the mines, I'll be a happy camper. There's the rare Spartacus feat of thematic depth, as Lucretia learns for the first time - but certainly not the last - upon Melitta's accidental death that the best laid plans always go awry. It's even a little sad to see Lucretia's first reluctant dalliance with Crixus (seriously, Lucy Lawless is a good actress).

I don't ask for much with Spartacus. It doesn't take much skill to show some boobs and decapitations every episode. But solid plotting is hard to come by and Spartacus has excelled at it in ways other genre shows haven't. The series has one episode to redeem itself before a long hiatus. Let's hope it delivers.

Let's talk about June 17, 1994.

I don't remember watching the O.J. Simpson chase on television, nor do I remember where I was at the time. Most Millennials probably don't. Childhood memories from that era tend to blend together. I was nine years old at the time, not even a month removed from the Third Grade. To me, O.J. Simpson was that doofus I saw in the Naked Gun movies, not a Heisman Trophy winner or Pro Football Hall of Famer. Put another way, Justin Bieber was only three months old.

The chase itself, though, is an instantly identifiable image. I'd be willing to bet that a Ford Bronco ranks only below a Delorean as pop culture's most identifiable real-life automobile. The chase is shorthand for an era, an entire murder investigation, a media circus.

What's remarkable, however, is just how much else happened in the sports world that day, and that confluence of events provides the story, as it were, for June 17, 1994, one of ESPN's lauded "30 for 30" series of documentaries. On one coast, Arnold Palmer played his last round at the U.S. Open. New York City held a victory parade for the Stanley Cup champion New York Rangers that morning; that night the Knicks would host the Houston Rockets at Madison Square Garden for Game 5 of the NBA Finals. Moving west, the World Cup opened in Chicago and Ken Griffey Jr hit his MLB-leading 30th home run of the season at Kansas City. Finally, in California, the day-long ordeal in which O.J. Simpson, accused of two murders, failed to turn himself into the police and led them on a low speed chase that ended at his house. Truly, it's remarkable just how much can happen in one day.

Each of these events was captured live for posterity, and that news footage forms the entirety of June 17, 1994. There are no interviews, no talking heads, and no narration, making the film a rarity. It's not a cinéma vérité documentary like Salesman, a concert film like Stop Making Sense, or an experimental movie like Koyaanisqatsi. To my knowledge, only The Atomic Cafe compares. I don't know how many hours of footage director Brett Morgan had to sift through (obvious preference for ESPN footage likely simplified the ordeal) but if anything else, the film is a masterpiece of editing.

The format provides the film's few weaknesses; needless flourishes such as static interference and showy intertitles are added to spice things up, and the score is occasionally obtrusive. June 17, 1994 is otherwise flawless.

Theatrical docs from last year such as Catfish and Exit Through the Gift Shop played with the viewer's trust in reality, asking the audience to question what is real. June 17, 1994 reminds the viewer of what was real and has since been distorted. At the time of the chase, O.J. was still widely seen as innocent. Crowds swarmed overpasses and even the freeway itself to support him (one of the best moments in the film is when a shot of a cheering crowd turns out not to be footage of the Rangers' victory parade, but footage from Los Angeles - or was it the other way around?). Perhaps some of them simply wanted a chance to get a part of the action. How many of them knew that O.J. was being talked out of a suicide attempt at the time? The car chase was not just a media spectacle later parodied with Kramer on Seinfeld, a man's life was actually at stake. It's enough to pity the man. There is a genuine sense of remorse for what he did - or despair at the confusion he got swept up in through no fault of his own. To hear O.J.'s voice in the Bronco is to marvel that somehow he would later write If I Did It.

But then again, there's a lot we can't predict. Ken Griffey Jr wouldn't be able to break any hypothetical home run records; the MLB season ended prematurely due to the players' strike. The Knicks wouldn't win the NBA Finals, nor any in the years since.

It's a funny thing to see a time capsule of a year that you actually lived through. Keith Olbermann has a mustache! Robert was the most famous Kardashian! Of course, the more things change, the more they stay the same. The media remains vacuous and a slave to the 24-hour news cycle. The wisdom of crowds continues to not exist.

Iconography happens at the expense of context. We see an image and forget what happened in the preceding hours, weeks, even years. June 17, 1994 isn't just a dissection of an unusually eventful day, an examination of the low point of a former star athelete, nor a study of the media. It's a restoration of context. It's the best documentary of 2010.