The Walking Dead - "Guts"

It was only inevitable that there would be a drop-off in quality between the first episode of The Walking Dead and the second. Frank Darabont doesn't just direct his own script on a basic cable show every day. His presence aside, the pilot was a stripped-down, spartan, effective example of storytelling. Zombie hordes aside, Rick Grimes was the only character onscreen for roughly half of the episode, and he spent most of the other half with only two other characters (one of whom was played by Lennie James, and you can't go wrong with Lennie James). Grimes doesn't have the same magnetism that Tony Soprano or Don Draper did in their premieres, but he's a capable dramatic center, and two-or-three person scenes are generally strong ones.

"Guts" more or less doubles the number of Walking Dead characters, but to little effect. Plucky young Glenn is the only one who shows immediate potential; most of the others are still undeveloped, with two exceptions. There's some blonde woman I don't care much about, and then there's Merle Dixon. It's no stretch of the imagination that a survivor of a zombie apocalypse has lost his cool, but Merle is a raving lunatic in addition to being racist, sexist, and a generally terrible human being overall. It's not that I have a problem with the introduction of an instigator, since they're reliable and somewhat necessary archetypes for zombie movies. But Merle's clashes with T-Dog (himself an uninspiring character) are depressingly cliche. Black/white tensions have been a staple of zombie films since the first Living Dead film and they're becoming old hat. Why not have Merle hate Mexicans? Or have a gay character for him to play off of? I'm not asking the show to reinvent the wheel, just to take a familiar trope in a new direction.

Things improved once Rick and Glenn enacted their bonkers escape plan, which provided an exciting finish to the episode. The less said the better about Rick's wife and the rest of the crew at the Survivalist Trailer Park. That's partially my bias against Dr. Sara Tancredi but even then the scenes are just treading plot water for when the two bands of survivors reunite.

I still have high hopes for the show, of course, and most of these new characters will either be thoughtfully fleshed out or become zombie bait. But the mere presence of Merle is a very bad omen. That kind of shit wouldn't fly on Mad Men. This is AMC, I expect more.

Halloween Horrorpocalypse: television edition

The Rocky Horror Glee Show: I watched the first few episodes of Glee last year and gave up on it; mentioning all of its faults would distract from the task at hand but its largest is that it's wildly inconsistent (for an extremely in-depth examination of the subject, see here). One of the show's strengths, however, is that it's able to do a lot of gimmick episodes that draw in viewers who otherwise wouldn't watch. I never saw the episode centered around Lady Gaga, although I was slightly intrigued by it, but a seasonally appropriate episode riffing on Rocky Horror seemed too good to pass up. Besides, all the kids these days like Glee, and I'm hip too, right?

However, the premise of the episode is shaky in and of itself, since there is no way that a high school, especially one in a small conservative town, would ever produce The Rocky Horror Show. The episode does address the controversy, but never in a satisfying way, because as usual Glee can't decide whether it's grounded in an actual high school or a musical fantasy land. The audience is supposed to accept that a school can put on an edited version of Rocky Horror, in approximately one week, and the boyfriend of a faculty member can get a part just because it's convenient. You can't do that and then have a serious subplot about male body image, which was shoved to the side and bungled anyway (earnestness is not the show's strong suit, so the upcoming "very special episode" about bullying will probably set the gay rights movement back a century). The show doesn't have the guts to explain why Rocky Horror pushes the envelope in the first place, merely relying on that phrase and thereby rendering it meaningless. Meanwhile, the protagonist (Mr. Schu) is a prick and the woman who is the show's trademark voice of insanity (Sue Sylvester), a characteristic reinforced at the beginning of the episode, is the voice of reason at its end.

As for the adaptation of Rocky Horror itself, the musical numbers are mostly passable, albeit a little overproduced sometimes (another Glee hallmark). Nothing stands out until John Stamos' surprisingly fun rendition of "Whatever Happened to Saturday Night?" I was distracted throughout Amber Riley's "Sweet Transvestite;" it's a potentially interesting take on the show to have Frank N. Furter played by a woman, but in that case, shouldn't she be a drag king? I liked Jayma Mays' version of "Touch-a Touch-a Touch-a Touch Me" although I may be a bit biased because she's my second-favorite redhead on televison (#1 is Christina Hendricks, obvs). The climactic rendition of "Time Warp," sadly, was merely okay. I will say that Chris Colfer makes for an excellent Riff Raff, and Heather Morris' Columbia makes me think "how *you* doin'?"

The Walking Dead: I'll watch anything that's zombie-related, but put it on AMC and I get extra excited. Even better - while all zombie films must inevitably end, The Walking Dead, as a series, can continue for as long as it is renewed. Jericho blew it as an extended examination of the post-apocalypse, so I'm hoping this show doesn't disappoint.

It's hard to judge a series as a whole by its pilot, but the premiere of The Walking Dead is stellar. There's little here we haven't seen in countless zombie films before it, but solid execution overcomes any narrative shortcomings. There is one new idea that I hope will be explored further in upcoming episodes: sympathy for the undead. Also, Lennie James gets a large chunk of screen time and you can't go wrong with Lennie James.

Community: I've never seen an episode of Community before, although I've heard nothing but good things. I'd been holding out for the first season to appear on Netflix's instant viewing (c'mon guys, pleeeease?) but this year's Halloween episode seems like a good point to dive in. The plot, in which a zombie-like infection strikes during a holiday party, cribs from so many zombie movies that it could almost function as a standalone short film, but the individual characters get enough attention that I could probably understand their relationships to each other in following episodes. There's also Aliens references and an ABBA soundtrack. How can you lose? (It will be interesting to see if Community, unlike Glee, commits to its "anything goes" universe or if it tries for occasional misguided earnest realism. Perhaps it will split a happy medium, like in The Office or 30 Rock, where effective dramatic moments are introduced because they come from established character relationships and not randomly introduced plot points.)

Halloween Horrorpocalypse: Dexter Season 4

A tenuous Halloween connection to be sure, but it's a show about a serial killer. Close enough.

Also, spoilers. Duh.

Dexter is becoming a tad predictable by its 4th season. There's a season-long story arc involving a certain character, usually another serial killer, who ends up being dumped into the ocean by the final episode. At least this go-round spares us the usual "Dexter is in danger of being found out and is about to give up killing but then everything resolves itself in the end" episode. And while Dexter himself remains as fascinating as ever, the rest of the cast is becoming more and more expendable. I've always liked Deb, and Masuka remains dependable comic relief. But Batista and Laguerta are completely useless, Rita is a pain in the ass, and Quinn is a tenth of the antagonist that Doakes was. If there's any character on scripted television capable of X-Pac heat, it's Quinn.

Fortunately, the show still has some trump cards. One is Michael C. Hall. Big shocker; he's been awesome from day one. The other is John Lithgow. Lithgow has a reputation as a comedic actor these days but as anyone who's seen Blow Out knows, he can pull out the crazy. As this season's Big Bad, he'd be required to do much of the heavy lifting even if the suplots and their characters weren't so weak. Like Jimmy Smits before him, he's more than capable of pulling his own weight. Of course, Smits' Miguel Prado was more fiery and imposing than Lithgow's Trinity Killer, not to mention younger. Initially it's a bit silly to imagine a somewhat doughy older man as a legendary serial killer. Lithgow makes it work.

It doesn't hurt that his character is written as one sick sumbitch. Lila was crazy in that psycho-ex-girlfriend sense; Prado was a loose cannon. Trinity - the series' first true recurring serial murderer since the Ice Truck Killer - is a genuine psychopath. His dysfunction is responsible for one of the most twisted episodes since the first season, and by extension one of the best (envelope pushing is, after all, one of the reasons we watch Dexter): "Hungry Man." The theme of two opposing Thanksgivings makes for a good narrative in general, but the part of the holiday spent with Trinity's family is an awesome train wreck. From Trinity's teen daughter propositioning herself to Dexter, to Trinity calling his wife a cunt at the dinner table, to Dexter completely flipping out, it's compulsively watchable. After earlier lame-brained episodes showing Dexter trying to cope with suburbia that went nowhere, it's refreshing to see something so inspired and original. Also, Deb and Masuka are forced to be around children. Gold, Jerry, gold.

Then there's the series finale's big reveal: Rita pulls a Teri Bauer and gets herself killed in the final minutes. It wasn't a gut-punch ending for me, since I'd had it spoiled. Honestly, it was something of a relief. Rita had been bitchy and a perpetual thorn in Dexter's side for most of the season, having gone from sweet but damaged when she was initially introduced to constantly nagging. I'm intrigued by what the series does with the aftershocks of her murder. Myles McNutt lays out some very interesting potential directions, but from what little I've gleamed about the current season, it's business as usual for the show's structure. I still love Dexter - check that, I still love Dexter Morgan, and two or three other characters - but if the 5th season ends with the special guest star du jour wrapped in plastic on a table, my patience may have come to an end.

Halloween Horrorpocalypse: Severance

With the exception of Piranha 3D, the past three horror films I've watched (Dead Snow, The Human Centipede, and Severance) have all taken about people getting stranded in the woods in Europe. I've been trying to find a greater meaning to this pattern but it's probably just a coincidence. For starters, I don't watch a lot of horror. For whatever reason, the horror movies I do watch happen to be from Europe (REC, which I've also seen in the past year, falls outside the "lost in the woods" parameter but it is from Spain). And even Piranha 3D took place in an outdoors setting. It does seem like most horror movies take place either in the suburbs or the boondocks and shy away from cities, especially large urban cores. Is it because the big bad city, with its gangbangers and druggies, is scary enough already? I dunno.

But I'm burying the lede. Severance isn't on the level of Shaun of the Dead but it does convince me that the Brits need to make more satirical horror comedies. The plot is simple enough - a group of pencil pushers for a multinational defense company gets lost during a corporate retreat in the Balkans, and soon they realize they're being stalked. But James Moran's script and Christopher Smith's direction contain enough wry humor and misdirection to keep things fresh, although their imagination peters out by the climax. They're also capable of some very effective scares, including a set piece with a bear trap that's still in my head. It's funny, it's icky, and it's breezily paced. A solid night's diversion.

Side note: one of the characters is an American but I noticed her accent was a little off. I assumed the actress was a Brit altering her voice, but as it turns out, she's Canadian. Nice try, England. You can't fool me.

Halloween Horrorpocalypse: The Human Centipede

If you're reading this there's a good chance you already know the plot of The Human Centipede, but I'll summarize it for the uninitiated: a mad German scientist stitches three victims together, mouth to anus, to make a human centipede. All together now - EEEEEW.

Now that we've gotten that bit of unpleasantness out of the way, we can discuss the substance of The Human Centipede. Unfortunately, there isn't much to discuss. It's a movie that a Texan would describe as all hat and no (surgically conjoined) cattle.

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that a horror film's protagonists must be likable enough that the audience invests itself in their troubles and wants them to live. Heroines Lindsay and Jenny, however, are the types of characters you usually root for the killer to bump off first. As American tourists visiting Germany they are necessarily strangers in a strange land, but they're so moronic that not only do they get lost in the woods while trying to find a nightclub, they proceed to leave their car and get lost in the actual woods themselves. They make the kids from Hostel look like Rick Steves.

That's when our fair ladies stumble upon the secluded home of Dr. Heiter (Dieter Laser, a superb mad scientist name in its own right) and spend the second half of the movie making muffled screams. The "head" of the centipede, the only person capable of talking, spends most of his time cursing Dr. Heiter in subtitled Japanese. It's hard to care much about him either. Throw in some curious cops, and that's pretty much the movie.

For a low-budget production, Tom Six's direction is very polished, and Laser's performance is suitably bonkers (it doesn't hurt that he looks like a freaky bastard too). Otherwise, there's little to recommend. Once you get past the ickyness of the premise, there's little to be squeamish about. Six is judicious with blood and guts, due to either budgetary concerns or a desire to psychologically get under the viewer's skin. Unfortunately, there's only so much that a human centipede can do; the protagonists are already in the most horrific situation they could possibly get into halfway through the movie. The film's third act is therefore fairly rote. The ending is certainly chilling, but it's very grim, nihilistic out of narrative necessity more than thematic purpose.

Though their levels of exposure were drastically different, it's easy to compare The Human Centipede to Snakes on a Plane. Snakes on a Plane proved to be an enjoyable B-movie, however, whereas The Human Centipede is no more than its premise. But it's a humdinger of a premise, and Tom Six already has a sequel on the way. I don't know if I'll bother watching that one but any movie that promises to be "100% Medically Inaccurate" can't be all bad. And even if the movie itself was a letdown, at least the premise inspired such beautiful, beautiful frivolity. Tom Six is one sick puppy, but he's my kind of sick puppy.

Let's talk about the movies I've seen lately.

The Other Guys

Given the director (Adam McKay), stars (Will Ferrell, Mark Whalberg), and concept (buddy cop spoof), The Other Guys had the potential to be hilarious but wound up amusing instead. It doesn't help that the funniest characters, and the ones most emblematic of shoot-'em-up police thriller excess, get killed off in the first act. Rent Hot Fuzz if you want both the comedy and the action done right. And is it just me or was Whalberg funnier in The Departed?

Greenberg

Though I didn't hate it, and Ben Stiller and Greta Gerwig turn in fine performances, I get the impression that plotless character studies and/or Noah Baumbach movies just aren't my cup of tea.

A Single Man

A Serious Man's ending either jumps the shark or is pitch perfect. In any case, Colin Firth's performance can't be ignored, and Jon Hamm's vocal cameo is cleverly cheeky.

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World

Edgar Wright's adaptation of Bryan Lee O'Malley's graphic novels explodes with energy, humor, and visual delight, but its conceit of a relationship as a video game is a mixed bag. Some points ring true: the past as a physical enemy; strengthening friendships as the real-world equivalent of "leveling up;" self-respect as the key to beating the villain. And it's refreshing to see love as the catalyst for average joes to inexplicably become badasses (as opposed to say, revenge in Oldboy or general misanthropy in Watchmen). But it's hard to imagine what Scott Pilgrim and his beloved Ramona see in each other. Michael Cera is moderately likeable as Scott but other than his skills at bass guitar he has zero personality, and his attraction towards Ramona apparently derivates entirely from seeing her in a dream. That didn't work for me in Brazil and it doesn't work here. Ramona doesn't have much going for her either, other than her looks, and she comes off mostly as a prize to be won.

A few side notes: fans have fervently praised the film's originality, but while it displays great imagination and a dose of creativity, calling an adaptation of an existing property saturated in comic book and video game references "original" misses the point. Also, I'd like to shake the hand of the genius who cast Mae Whitman as one of Ramona's exes, especially if it was for the sole purpose of a fight scene between a reunited George Michael Bluth and Ann Veal (her?).

Burn After Reading

Like an episode of The Wire or Mad Men, there's something comforting about the Coen Brothers' lack of faith in people in Burn After Reading. The vain, snobbish, lascivious, greedy, and stupid will get what's coming to them and in some instances pay the ultimate price for their misguided deeds, whether they deserve it or not. Even simply being a schmuck is a mortal sin in the Coen's universe. Oh, and this is a comedy. Needlessly harsh? Yes, but this is D.C., not Fargo. Meanwhile, the CIA (taking the role of the Gods, I suppose), knows simultaneously everything and nothing about the follies at hand. It's not a Coen classic (their trademark snappy dialogue is nowhere to be found) but it's satisfying, and well-acted from top to bottom.

Piranha 3D

This is the only movie I've seen in 3D since it became the trend that nobody asked for, but it has to be the first to do the gimmick justice. Truly, naked women, dismembered body parts, and killer fish were meant to be seen in three glorious dimensions. If you have a strong stomach and a willingness to leave good taste outside the theater, Piranha 3D is trash of the highest order.

Coen Brothers Power Rankings

Now that I've seen Burn After Reading, the filmography is complete. For purposes of this list, consider the segment from Paris, je t'aime to be "also recieving votes."

1. O Brother, Where Art Thou?
2. Raising Arizona
3. Blood Simple
4. Fargo
5. The Man Who Wasn't There
6. Intolerable Cruelty
7. No Country for Old Men
8. The Big Lebowski
9. Burn After Reading
10. A Serious Man
11. The Hudsucker Proxy
12. Barton Fink
13. Miller's Crossing
14. The Ladykillers

Honestly, positions 5-9 are something of a jumble. Can you really compare No Country for Old Men to The Big Lebowski? I'm very confident in the top four and bottom five, though. The other caveat is that most of these movies I've seen only once (and mostly many years ago), and since Fargo greatly improved in my mind after a second viewing there's no reason one of the others in the middle of the pack couldn't as well.