Wire Madness

Pitting television characters against each other isn't a new idea. But there's no reason we can't have fun with it.

Wire Madness. 64 characters from the HBO series The Wire, competing in an NCAA-tournament style battle. I'm sure there will be some controversy but it's my bracket, so it's my rules.

The bracket is a fairly big picture, so here's a sample:



The full image is available below (click to enlarge).



I'm sure I'll get a lot of flack for Omar's loss, but I always thought he was a tad overrated - I preferred the cool demeanor of Daniels and Freamon to Omar's swag. String's great too but Daniels' moral backbone makes him one of the few incorruptible characters in the show, and I have to reward that.

The 2011 Oscars Power Rankings

So I did it. It took me from last summer until tonight, but I watched all ten films from 2010 that were nominated for Best Picture. I didn't intend to explicitly, I just wanted to see all of them. Most years there's at least one that I have no desire to watch - for instance, The Blind Side last year. Naturally, I've seen all of these roughly over the course of a year, so direct comparisons are difficult. I'll just do things based on tiers.

The Social Network
Inception

The Kids Are All Right
Black Swan

True Grit
The Fighter
Toy Story 3

The King's Speech
127 Hours
Winter's Bone

Bear in mind that none of these movies were bad, or even mediocre. The bottom three had some great performances, case in point, Colin Firth in The King's Speech.

Order really only matters with the first two; I genuinely believe that The Social Network was the best picture of the bunch, and possibly the best movie I saw in 2010, but I'll be damned if Inception wasn't really, really fun. The next two movies were a step down in quality but still very good albeit for completely different reasons (TKAR's cast, Black Swan's aesthetics). I think this list also makes it pretty clear where I stand on The King's Speech winning Best Picture... but that's a different topic entirely.

Top Chef All-Stars: week 13 power rankings

A lot of people crapped on last week's Top Chef for keeping all five cheftestants to go into the finale, but I fell for the sentimental approach hook, line, and sinker. Every competitor brought his or her A-game, everyone's family was present, and we even found out that Mike and Antonia are distant relatives. What's not to love? I can forgive a cop-out on the judges' part (and quite possibly the producers' part) in not eliminating anyone.

Too bad this episode was a total suckfest. Having the remaining chefs cook against the winners of their respective seasons should've been highly entertaining, but it turned out to be a worthless gimmick. At least we know that Hosea is still a dick, only this time he's a dick with a horrible beard. Even worse, nothing in the Elimination Challenge stood out. You know it's a sorry slate when Mike cooks the best dish.

Poor Carla. She had faltered a bit in the preceding weeks, but unlike other contestants in this episode she kept her spirits high and cooked food she believed in. So long, hootie.

1. Richard
Despite second-guessing himself at every turn, Richard is still making good food. The specter of his Top Chef: Chicago choke job has loomed over him all season long, and advancing to the finale has only made him more neurotic instead of more confident. He's also increasingly becoming more of a dick. It's a real shame.

2. Mike
It only took thirteen episodes, but Mike finally won his first Elimination Challenge of the season. It helps to finish strong, I guess, but we're talking about Mike. This is the first Elimination Challenge he's won on Top Chef, period. And beating Michael Voltaggio in the Quickfire - what was that all about? I am not afraid to give credit where credit is due, and Mike has shown definite improvement since Top Chef: Las Vegas. But he should be thanking his lucky stars that Dale and Angelo aren't his competition anymore.

3. Antonia
Antonia is clearly superior to Mike as a chef, but she clearly could've been sent home for tonight's dish. Cooking in the final episodes is a skill in and of itself - that's how we got Top Chefs Kevin and Hosea, and almost got Top Chef Lisa in the fourth season. In the finale, you either have it or you don't, and right now Antonia looks like she doesn't have it.

4. Tiffany
In five of the last seven weeks, Tiffany has placed in the bottom group at Judge's Table. She hasn't won an Elimination Challenge, and tonight was her first Quickfire win - a win she split with four other chefs. Enough already!

Spartacus: Gods of the Arena - "The Bitter End"

Spartacus' lone big misstep for its final episode of the season was its title. I get it, it works on a certain level, but when I think of a finale and "bitter" I think of fan reaction to the final episode of Lost. Not good.

Otherwise, "The Bitter End" was surprisingly satisfying. After last week's episode I wondered what ground was left for the show to cover, since most of the storylines had come to a climax and three major characters had already died. Spartacus' solution: have everyone fight each other for most of the episode. Good call. Compared to Blood and Sand, Gods of the Arena was curiously light on gladiator battles. Fortunately, the entire third act takes place in Capua's new arena and provides us with the CGI-blood spurting action we know and love. We also get more epic crowd shots, which means those of us playing Spartacus Bingo can finally mark down "people having sex among the spectators." Like all of the series' big action set-pieces, it's a pulse-pounding, over-the-top, tremendously scored and edited spectacle and an excellent high note to end the prequel with. Gannicus' big kill was pretty disgusting too, and the one gladiator being immolated was satisfyingly predictable.

And how about Gannicus winning his freedom? Good for him. Even though it was a ploy by Solonius to undermine Batiatus, Gannicus certainly deserved it, and not only because of his prowess in the arena. He's one of the few decent characters in Spartacus, and although he did go behind Oenomaus' back by boning his wife, he tried to remove himself from the ludus so it wouldn't happen again. Early in the episode, Batiatus says something to the effect of that his House is built on the foundation of honor, which of course is a complete lie. The most honorable characters are usually the slaves, and Gannicus is one of the better ones. Spartacus usually doesn't allow a decent character to get the fate he or she deserves, so Gannicus' sendoff was refreshing.

On the douchier end of the ludus, Batiatus continues the slow process of digging his own grave. Tullius is dead and Vettius is run out of town, but Solonius has finally had enough of Batiatus' shit and completes a full-blown heel turn. We all knew it was coming, but it was deserved and actually pretty awesome. Nothing is better than seeing Batiatus helpless while backed into a corner. Unless it's Batiatus being blind with rage. Or Batiatus... okay, anything he does is amazing, but backstabbing and mind games are surefire ingredients for a good time.

The rest of the episode is filling in the blanks. Hey, that's how Ashur injured his leg! That's why Crixus cut his hair! Gee, Barca really was only ever around for the gay sex scenes! And so forth. Plus, Gannicus and Vettius have their exits so they can return for the true second season of Spartacus, and that's that.

That's that for Gods of the Arena, too. It was a prequel series, so it was by nature limited in what it could accomplish. Being half as long as Blood and Sand didn't help it either, since the newer characters didn't get a chance to have strong arcs. But there was blood, nudity, cursing, and backstabbing. It didn't reach the delirious highs of Blood and Sand, but it didn't have the low points either. Even an average episode of Spartacus is nothing like anything else on television. I can live with that. Gratitude.