Sunday, May 9, 2010

Speaking of superheroes... (a public domain adventure)

A few days ago I watched Attack from Space. It's a pretty crappy movie, which is why I bought it, but I didn't know it would be that crappy. I also learned a valuable lesson: never buy anything in the public domain.

It's not worth going into detail about the movie other than that the hero is played by a decidedly average guy. The English version labels him "Starman" but to the Japanese, he's "Giant of Steel." No wonder we make fun of these guys for being ill-endowed.

Because he's made out of steel, or whatever, he's more or less invincible, which leads to some rather one-sided fight scenes. These are the only real reason to watch the movie. Well, they're the only scenes worth watching period, so just skip to them. You don't even have to watch them all the way through, since they're basically ten minutes of the same lame moves (can you tell that I hated this movie?).

It's in these scenes that we realize why Superman doesn't pack heat. If he did, he'd be a dick. There's no bigger way to be a douche than to flex your nonexistent muscles, laugh, and then cap the dumbass who keeps emptying rounds into you even though it clearly has no effect. And bear in mind, we are SUPPOSED TO ROOT FOR THIS GUY.

In conclusion, go to the 57 minute mark and check out the crap on display. Never before have I understood the true meaning of the words "I watched this so you didn't have to."

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