http://www.impawards.com/2010/killers_ver3.html
From the trailer: Ashton Kutcher is a spy, and Katherine Heigl is a normal lady who falls in love with him.
Kutcher somehow found some time away from tweeting to pose for a photo. He looks like he's whining about how he can't borrow the car to go to the movies with his pals but at least he's trying to convey an emotion.
Heigl, on the other hand. Yikes. I'm confused, did her performance in Knocked Up fool people into thinking she could act? I'm not sure what kind of emotions she's trying to channel. She's a Barbie doll crossed with Vanna White crossed with a '50s housewife. All she's missing is a pearl necklace and a pot roast. A human being never looked more plastic.
It's a terrible, horrible poster. And yet, like a train wreck or Christina Hendricks, I can't look away. Maybe because I see the ads for it on the train every day. Or maybe because it's so horribly misguided it transcends mere badness. There is no possible way this poster could make anyone want to watch this movie, and yet it exists.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Speaking of superheroes... (a public domain adventure)
A few days ago I watched Attack from Space. It's a pretty crappy movie, which is why I bought it, but I didn't know it would be that crappy. I also learned a valuable lesson: never buy anything in the public domain.
It's not worth going into detail about the movie other than that the hero is played by a decidedly average guy. The English version labels him "Starman" but to the Japanese, he's "Giant of Steel." No wonder we make fun of these guys for being ill-endowed.
Because he's made out of steel, or whatever, he's more or less invincible, which leads to some rather one-sided fight scenes. These are the only real reason to watch the movie. Well, they're the only scenes worth watching period, so just skip to them. You don't even have to watch them all the way through, since they're basically ten minutes of the same lame moves (can you tell that I hated this movie?).
It's in these scenes that we realize why Superman doesn't pack heat. If he did, he'd be a dick. There's no bigger way to be a douche than to flex your nonexistent muscles, laugh, and then cap the dumbass who keeps emptying rounds into you even though it clearly has no effect. And bear in mind, we are SUPPOSED TO ROOT FOR THIS GUY.
In conclusion, go to the 57 minute mark and check out the crap on display. Never before have I understood the true meaning of the words "I watched this so you didn't have to."
It's not worth going into detail about the movie other than that the hero is played by a decidedly average guy. The English version labels him "Starman" but to the Japanese, he's "Giant of Steel." No wonder we make fun of these guys for being ill-endowed.
Because he's made out of steel, or whatever, he's more or less invincible, which leads to some rather one-sided fight scenes. These are the only real reason to watch the movie. Well, they're the only scenes worth watching period, so just skip to them. You don't even have to watch them all the way through, since they're basically ten minutes of the same lame moves (can you tell that I hated this movie?).
It's in these scenes that we realize why Superman doesn't pack heat. If he did, he'd be a dick. There's no bigger way to be a douche than to flex your nonexistent muscles, laugh, and then cap the dumbass who keeps emptying rounds into you even though it clearly has no effect. And bear in mind, we are SUPPOSED TO ROOT FOR THIS GUY.
In conclusion, go to the 57 minute mark and check out the crap on display. Never before have I understood the true meaning of the words "I watched this so you didn't have to."
Let's talk about Iron Man 2.
Iron Man 2. Or as I like to call it, Tony Stark.
An indestructible superhero isn't a lot of fun. Neither is a superhero whose main power is just an arsenal of weapons. And it's a stretch to believe that the director of Elf could film a good action scene. Realizing these limitations, and that Robert Downey Jr was the best thing about the first movie, Iron Man 2 keeps Tony Stark out of action as much as possible. It's a logical choice, albeit a somewhat disappointing one.
Do any other public identities overshadow their alter egos? It's hard to get worked up over the existing laundry list of Bruce Waynes and Clark Kents, but I'd watch an entire movie of an average day in the life of Tony Stark. Iron Man isn't fun, he's the serious guy who has to care about world peace.
That's one of the biggest problems about Iron Man 2. One of the original movie's strengths was its focus on Tony Stark's character arc. He starts the film caring only about himself, his fancy toys, and whatever woman he'll be spending the night with. At the film's end, he's discovered the value of altruism and monogamy. He's still a self-indulgent jackass, but his heart is in the right place. Iron Man had a cocktail of four writers, though; two worked on Children of Men, the other two worked on Punisher: War Zone, and that mix of highbrow and lowbrow reflects Tony's character at the end of the movie. Justin Theroux, who was not one of those writers, is the only credited writer on Iron Man 2, and under his watch Tony has regressed. He might gallantly express the dignity of keeping the Iron Man suit away from the meddling hands of the corrupt U.S. government but there's no indication that he actually means it. His chief concerns are still chasing tail and Stark Industries' bottom line. His motivations don't form an arc so much as a series of loop-de-loops. One second he's pondering his inevitable death, the next he's a full-blown alcoholic. It's fine for Stark to have self-destructive impulses but he hasn't earned them (it's okay, though, they disappear halfway through the film).
So story isn't Iron Man 2's strong suit (no pun intended). Fortunately, the cast is loaded. We all know that Robert Downey Jr is brilliant, but it's surprising how well Gwyneth Paltrow bounces off of him as his secretary. She's more than capable of going toe-to-toe with him in their rapid fire exchanges. That Sam Rockwell would turn in a good performance as one of the film's two villains is not a surprise, but it's still amazing how good he is. He's the anti-Stark, just as loquacious and showboating but without a conscience or self-awareness. Mickey Rourke, on the other hand, hardly says a word as Ivan Vanko, but he looks and acts the part of a hardened criminal to a tee.
Despite what I've said, I do recommend Iron Man 2. It's not as good as the original but given other recent blockbuster sequels, you could do much worse.
Loose ends:
- I am still tickled pink thinking about John Slattery's role. Though as Howard Stark he's a weapons manufacturer and government contractor, he's clearly meant to resemble Walt Disney.
- At first I thought that Stark saying The Avengers couldn't afford his services was a meta-reference to casting the upcoming Avengers movie, but Wikipedia says Downey will in fact be part of the cast.
- Other than a swank paycheck, Terrence Howard didn't miss much by not reprising his role as Rhodey. Don Cheadle certainly looks the part but he turns in a joyless performance and is mostly relegated to the sidelines.
An indestructible superhero isn't a lot of fun. Neither is a superhero whose main power is just an arsenal of weapons. And it's a stretch to believe that the director of Elf could film a good action scene. Realizing these limitations, and that Robert Downey Jr was the best thing about the first movie, Iron Man 2 keeps Tony Stark out of action as much as possible. It's a logical choice, albeit a somewhat disappointing one.
Do any other public identities overshadow their alter egos? It's hard to get worked up over the existing laundry list of Bruce Waynes and Clark Kents, but I'd watch an entire movie of an average day in the life of Tony Stark. Iron Man isn't fun, he's the serious guy who has to care about world peace.
That's one of the biggest problems about Iron Man 2. One of the original movie's strengths was its focus on Tony Stark's character arc. He starts the film caring only about himself, his fancy toys, and whatever woman he'll be spending the night with. At the film's end, he's discovered the value of altruism and monogamy. He's still a self-indulgent jackass, but his heart is in the right place. Iron Man had a cocktail of four writers, though; two worked on Children of Men, the other two worked on Punisher: War Zone, and that mix of highbrow and lowbrow reflects Tony's character at the end of the movie. Justin Theroux, who was not one of those writers, is the only credited writer on Iron Man 2, and under his watch Tony has regressed. He might gallantly express the dignity of keeping the Iron Man suit away from the meddling hands of the corrupt U.S. government but there's no indication that he actually means it. His chief concerns are still chasing tail and Stark Industries' bottom line. His motivations don't form an arc so much as a series of loop-de-loops. One second he's pondering his inevitable death, the next he's a full-blown alcoholic. It's fine for Stark to have self-destructive impulses but he hasn't earned them (it's okay, though, they disappear halfway through the film).
So story isn't Iron Man 2's strong suit (no pun intended). Fortunately, the cast is loaded. We all know that Robert Downey Jr is brilliant, but it's surprising how well Gwyneth Paltrow bounces off of him as his secretary. She's more than capable of going toe-to-toe with him in their rapid fire exchanges. That Sam Rockwell would turn in a good performance as one of the film's two villains is not a surprise, but it's still amazing how good he is. He's the anti-Stark, just as loquacious and showboating but without a conscience or self-awareness. Mickey Rourke, on the other hand, hardly says a word as Ivan Vanko, but he looks and acts the part of a hardened criminal to a tee.
Despite what I've said, I do recommend Iron Man 2. It's not as good as the original but given other recent blockbuster sequels, you could do much worse.
Loose ends:
- I am still tickled pink thinking about John Slattery's role. Though as Howard Stark he's a weapons manufacturer and government contractor, he's clearly meant to resemble Walt Disney.
- At first I thought that Stark saying The Avengers couldn't afford his services was a meta-reference to casting the upcoming Avengers movie, but Wikipedia says Downey will in fact be part of the cast.
- Other than a swank paycheck, Terrence Howard didn't miss much by not reprising his role as Rhodey. Don Cheadle certainly looks the part but he turns in a joyless performance and is mostly relegated to the sidelines.
- Scarlett Johansson has a rather average-looking face but she continues to make the most of it. Rawr.
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