Let's talk about Hobo with a Shotgun & Escape from New York

Hobo with a Shotgun is a movie about a hobo with a shotgun. If you are still unconvinced about whether or not this movie is the kind you'll like, it isn't.

Director Jason Eisener has the faux-grindhouse look down a little better than Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez did in their Planet Terror/Death Proof double feature. It's more akin to House of the Devil, probably because of both films' low-budget aesthetic. It's easy to replicate the look and feel of a cheapie when your budget is only $3 million (I know it sounds ridiculous to call $3 million low-budget, but it's low). The synth-heavy score and ending credits power ballad are dead-on accurate, too.

There's a lot of cursing, a lot of titillating violence, and a lot of gore. Surprisingly, there is little nudity. The actors eschew actual acting for scenery chewing. Nobody is watching Hobo with a Shotgun for character development and I'm fine with that.

Of course, this means that the film lives and dies by its outrageousness. Eisener and screenwriter John Davies swing for the fences in every scene and they strike out as often as they hit home runs. But you can at least see the effort when they strike out; Hobo with a Shotgun does nothing half-heartedly, which sustains it through its leaner moments.

If anything in Hobo with a Shotgun can qualify for artistic merit, it's the cinematography, deliberately lush with garish reds, blues, and yellows. It's as over-the-top as the dialogue.

After taking in Hobo with a Shotgun's exploitative delights, and reading about the rioting in London, the next logical step was to watch John Carpenter's 1981 cult classic Escape from New York. It's the third Carpenter film I've seen, and the second starring Kurt Russell. Sadly, I have yet to be totally impressed with the director's work.

In its time, I'm sure Escape from New York's post-apocalyptic setting, antihero, and don't-trust-the-government spirit were all fairly revelatory. But now the movie has turned 30. When watching Escape from New York I got the feeling that I'd seen this all before, when really I've seen it all since.

Even then, there's little to recommend. All the characters are flat, even Russell's stoic, supposedly iconic Snake Plissken (give me Jack Burton any day), and the action scenes aren't thrilling. The final twist is too telegraphed to be effective. To his credit, Carpenter does a good job of capturing the feel of New York City gone to pot, and the use of light and shadow is especially effective. Escape from New York must be a product of its era, because aside from a really cool poster, I just don't see the appeal.

Let's talk about X-Men: First Class

X-Men: First Class is a first-class movie!

LOLOLOLOL. Now that we got that out of the way, here's some assorted thoughts on the film.

- First Class skims a fine line between prequel and reboot (a term that is frequently sloppily applied). Comic book continuity is notoriously hinky, and even the first four movies in the X-Men series didn't have ironclad continuity. Nonetheless, the series needed a fresh start. X3 was mediocre; X-Men Origins: Wolverine didn't even reach those heights. Origin stories are a reliable framework, and in First Class' case you get to cast dashing James McAvoy instead of (awesome but) ancient Ian McKellen. Besides, the dynamic between Professor X and Magneto has always been the intellectual backbone of the story, something the film franchise had moved away from.

- More supervillains need to do their dirty deeds in suits. Kevin Bacon's henchmen look pretty badass in their finely-tailored duds. Mr. Bacon himself, meanwhile, looks like a total dick in his 60's gear. I'm pretty sure he was wearing an ascot in one scene. Ascot = hate. No more spandex for anyone, please.

- Thor already had the title character eschew luscious Kat Dennings for stick figure Natalie Portman. Now compare Rose Byrne's skinny figure in a miniskirt to fuller-figured (which is to say, normal-figured) Jennifer Lawrence in a miniskirt. I'll say it again: friends don't let superheroes fall for skinny chicks.

- He'll never eclipse Jon Hamm as Man Crush #1, but Michael Fassbender has a rather square jaw, and piercing eyes, and he smolders, and he kills Nazis with such ease... sorry, where was I?

- January Jones is as lackluster as advertised. I'm not bothered by her interpretation of the character - her name is Emma Frost, so why not play her as an ice queen - but her iciness is flat instead of intimidating. The character is supposedly tempestuous in the comics, anyway, so maybe Jones really bungled this one more than I realized. On a side note, I wonder if I'm the only one who watched her seduction of the Soviet military head and couldn't help think of Nikolai Jackov, head of the KGB.

- But the misguided casting of Jones can't hold a candle to Glenn Morshower's role as a corrupt Colonel. You can't cast Aaron from 24 as a sellout! That's just wrong, man! A cameo by James Remar and a bit part for Michael Ironside, on the other hand: awesome.

- I didn't notice this until Adam and Matty pointed it out, but First Class' fight scenes are actually comprehensible. There's no Jason Bourne/Dark Knight shaky-cam, quick-cut fighting.

- Director Matthew Vaughn helmed the postmodern super-anti-hero film Kick Ass, which I didn't particularly care for. He plays First Class straight, with superior results.

- I caught a matinee showing of First Class; that night, I watched the Tony Awards. Hugh Jackman appeared in both, reminding me of this SNL sketch. It'll never be a classic but I have a soft spot for it, and I'll probably be shouting "TWO SIDES!" to myself for years to come.



- Henry Jackman's score during the end credits deserves a shoutout. It's not an iconic theme but it's tonally perfect.

Let's Talk About Captain America

As I walked through the theater lobby after watching Captain America, I saw a poster for the latest Spy Kids movie, starring Joel McHale. After a few seconds of thought, I developed my new rubric for evaluating action movies: if the film is at least as entertaining as one of Community's paintball episodes, it has succeeded.

Captain America is never boring, the special effects are good, it isn't stupid, and the cast has no weak links. Yet, it's never truly entertaining. It's a perfectly average film. If I ever need to explain the concept of "less than the sum of its parts," I'll point to Captain America.

As several critics have noted, Captain America is not a flashy superhero. Chris Evans plays him perfectly earnestly because that's the essence of the character. I understand that. He's still boring. Nothing against Evans, that's just how the character is written. Perhaps in the upcoming Avengers movie, where he's a man out of his era, he'll have more material to work with.

The rest of the cast can be characterized the same way. Hugo Weaving plays the villainous Red Skull, leader of too-twisted-even-for-the-Nazis group HYDRA. Weaving is a pro, he knows how to play an antagonist, and he does a fine job but he's totally unmemorable. Hayley Atwell is the love interest, the role isn't an insult to women, and she turns in an equally fine but sparkless performance. Only Tommy Lee Jones, cast perfectly to type as a crusty Colonel, stands out. Stanley Tucci also brings some much-needed character to the film but his role is merely a minor one.

Captain America is also curiously devoid of action scenes. There's a fun jailbreak, and the climatic invasion of a HYDRA stronghold isn't bad. Mostly there's a lot of talking about whether Captain America is ready to be a hero or not. I said previously that Captain America isn't boring, which is true, but it's rarely thrilling.

Director Joe Johnston has helmed a WWII-era superhero film before, 1991's The Rocketeer. The Rocketeer isn't a perfect movie by any stretch of the imagination but it's an interesting failure. Captain America is a pedestrian success.

Thor was Shakesperian, X-Men: First Class was heady, Iron Man was cheeky. Captain America is... competent. That's not good enough anymore.