It's been established that Twilight is fairly Wuthering Heights-tacular. Thus, McSweeny's presents: Catherine and Heathcliff audition for Twilight.
http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2009/11/20quatro.html
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Preview Reviews
Iron Man 2: Holy balls, does this movie look like it's going to be the shit. Robert Downey Jr acting cocky? Check. Mickey Rourke acting crazy? Check. Scarlet Johansson looking totally hot with dark hair? Check. Electric whips? Explosions? Guys in robotic suits fighting robots? Check, check, check. I am a little worried about all the new heroes and villains. Iron Man worked because of Robert Downey Jr as Tony Stark. The supporting cast was excellent but he carried the movie. If the sequel goes all in on a bigger-is-better approach, it risks turning into Batman Forever.
Hot Tub Time Machine: If Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure proved anything, it was that combining idiots with time travel makes for good comedy. Hot Tub Time Machine appears to be taking the same approach. The title is the plot, for chrissakes. Craig Robinson has never been unfunny in a part. And including Dead or Alive's "You Spin Me Round (Like a Record)" in a trailer is always a good choice no matter what the circumstances. The plot looks paper-thin, which means I'm probably in for a letdown, but I think this could still work.
Hot Tub Time Machine: If Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure proved anything, it was that combining idiots with time travel makes for good comedy. Hot Tub Time Machine appears to be taking the same approach. The title is the plot, for chrissakes. Craig Robinson has never been unfunny in a part. And including Dead or Alive's "You Spin Me Round (Like a Record)" in a trailer is always a good choice no matter what the circumstances. The plot looks paper-thin, which means I'm probably in for a letdown, but I think this could still work.
Monday, December 14, 2009
Liveblogging Twilight: Chapter 11
So here's the deal: sometimes literature, actual literature, gets in the way of crap. Also, I don't like reading Twilight on the train where people can see me reading it. So I'm a tad behind.
Chapter 11 isn't much different than the chapters that come before it, in that it's more of Bella and Edward getting to know each other/deepening their mutual obsession with each other. While they continue to get closer to each other, Edward still wants to stay distant, and Bella would rather that everyone besides Edward just leave her alone. Like most of these middle chapters, it's light on plot.
There is one exception: Hottie McWerewolf himself, Jacob Black, reappears. Granted, at this point Jacob was just a normal teenager, and not the underage heartthrob he became in late 2009. Believe it or not, there was a time when he looked exactly like a young girl. Jacob's father is friend's with Bella's, and they all arrive at la casa Swan while Edward is still hanging out in the front yard, causing him to hightail it outta there. Apparently, Jacob really wasn't kidding when he said that vampires and werewolves didn't like each other.
I've learned, though, that the joys of Twilight have (thus far) little to do with its paper-thin plot and more to do with those moments where you can't believe the shit you're reading. For instance:
The science teacher shows a video during class instead of lecturing. "Mr. Banner shoved the tape into the reluctant VCR," Meyer writes, her use of personification not wrong, per se, but gratingly clumsy.
Bella is still a bitch to her friends. In gym class, good old Mike offers to be her partner for some sort of sport involving a racket - it's never specified what exactly they're playing - since Bella turns into Inspector Clouseau whenever sports are involved. Here, Bella learns the true meaning of friendship. "'Don't worry, I'll keep out of your way.' He grinned. Sometimes it was so easy to like Mike."
The anonymous CD that Bella listened to in chapter 7 reappears in all of its ambiguous glory. Wouldn't you know, Edward owns it too! That same, unnamed CD! Small world. Bands out there, if your songs have "a little too much bass and shrieking" and "complicated drum patterns," you've got a stake in Twilight. Once again, the popular theory that Bella is merely a cipher for the reader to project all of her (and yes, I do mean "her") characteristics upon gains ever more weight.
Chapter 11 isn't much different than the chapters that come before it, in that it's more of Bella and Edward getting to know each other/deepening their mutual obsession with each other. While they continue to get closer to each other, Edward still wants to stay distant, and Bella would rather that everyone besides Edward just leave her alone. Like most of these middle chapters, it's light on plot.
There is one exception: Hottie McWerewolf himself, Jacob Black, reappears. Granted, at this point Jacob was just a normal teenager, and not the underage heartthrob he became in late 2009. Believe it or not, there was a time when he looked exactly like a young girl. Jacob's father is friend's with Bella's, and they all arrive at la casa Swan while Edward is still hanging out in the front yard, causing him to hightail it outta there. Apparently, Jacob really wasn't kidding when he said that vampires and werewolves didn't like each other.
I've learned, though, that the joys of Twilight have (thus far) little to do with its paper-thin plot and more to do with those moments where you can't believe the shit you're reading. For instance:
The science teacher shows a video during class instead of lecturing. "Mr. Banner shoved the tape into the reluctant VCR," Meyer writes, her use of personification not wrong, per se, but gratingly clumsy.
Bella is still a bitch to her friends. In gym class, good old Mike offers to be her partner for some sort of sport involving a racket - it's never specified what exactly they're playing - since Bella turns into Inspector Clouseau whenever sports are involved. Here, Bella learns the true meaning of friendship. "'Don't worry, I'll keep out of your way.' He grinned. Sometimes it was so easy to like Mike."
The anonymous CD that Bella listened to in chapter 7 reappears in all of its ambiguous glory. Wouldn't you know, Edward owns it too! That same, unnamed CD! Small world. Bands out there, if your songs have "a little too much bass and shrieking" and "complicated drum patterns," you've got a stake in Twilight. Once again, the popular theory that Bella is merely a cipher for the reader to project all of her (and yes, I do mean "her") characteristics upon gains ever more weight.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
The most inexplicable Preview Reviews ever
Death at a Funeral: There's an episode of 30 Rock where Tracy Morgan's character describes his involvement in an African-American remake of An Affair to Remember titled A Blaffair to Rememblack. In 2010, life will imitate art when he stars in the ensemble comedy Death at a Funeral, a remake of the 2007 British comedy of the same name. Was the original too British for American audiences or was it too white? Only history will tell us the answer.
It gets better, though: the director is Neil LaBute. Yes, acclaimed playwright and pilloried filmmaker Neil LaBute, he who bestowed upon the world Nicolas Cage punching out a woman while dressed in a bear costume. If anyone knows what an urban audience wants, it's him.
As for the trailer itself, it's actually not bad. The comedy is pretty broad but the original doesn't look like it was restrained either, and the cast is loaded with talent. Peter Dinklage even plays the same part he played in the British version. I'm not sure why the preternaturally bland James Marsden was chosen for such a zany role, though. Death at a Funeral might not be a bad film in the end, but it could certainly win an award for "least necessary."
Then again, maybe people just can't help but remake this movie: there's a Bollywood version of it too.
Spanish Movie: I fondly remember reading all those reviews of [REC] and The Sea Inside and seeing critics say, "I wish somebody spoofed this in the vein of Epic Movie and Meet the Spartans." Boy, was I in luck when I stumbled upon this trailer. Finally, that damn Almodovar gets what he deserves! I haven't remembered a lick of Spanish since my first year of college, so I can't translate any of the jokes, but who needs to when you have Leslie Neilsen mugging en Espanol? I still can't figure out what's more baffling: that this movie actually exists, or that Spaniards are calling their own spoof movie Spanish Movie?
It gets better, though: the director is Neil LaBute. Yes, acclaimed playwright and pilloried filmmaker Neil LaBute, he who bestowed upon the world Nicolas Cage punching out a woman while dressed in a bear costume. If anyone knows what an urban audience wants, it's him.
As for the trailer itself, it's actually not bad. The comedy is pretty broad but the original doesn't look like it was restrained either, and the cast is loaded with talent. Peter Dinklage even plays the same part he played in the British version. I'm not sure why the preternaturally bland James Marsden was chosen for such a zany role, though. Death at a Funeral might not be a bad film in the end, but it could certainly win an award for "least necessary."
Then again, maybe people just can't help but remake this movie: there's a Bollywood version of it too.
Spanish Movie: I fondly remember reading all those reviews of [REC] and The Sea Inside and seeing critics say, "I wish somebody spoofed this in the vein of Epic Movie and Meet the Spartans." Boy, was I in luck when I stumbled upon this trailer. Finally, that damn Almodovar gets what he deserves! I haven't remembered a lick of Spanish since my first year of college, so I can't translate any of the jokes, but who needs to when you have Leslie Neilsen mugging en Espanol? I still can't figure out what's more baffling: that this movie actually exists, or that Spaniards are calling their own spoof movie Spanish Movie?
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